wonderin what's wrong w my blog.. everyday blog.. but the no. of entry that i've posted forever stay at 74.. so i went to count.. hahah.. but.. it's definitely more than 74.. so what's wrong w the counter anyway??!!

just read crystal dar's blog.. sho sad.. that song.. an jing.. remind me of him.. i told him... if he didnt fall in love so soon.. maybe we could try again.. and of cuz he didnt reply my email.. i send him.. for you by 5566 and jay's an jing lyrics to him when i found out there's a her in his life.. now.. tinkin back of those months without him.. of cuz it wasn't easy wakin up realisin i could no long find someone to say mornin to.. say i mish him wishin he was here w me.. and realisin that he's happier without me.. all those things hurt.. it took me so long to stop cryin for him... everytime.. i receive a msg him frm askin me to tk care or tellin me he saw something i like.. i just cry.. i hate the way he tok to me on the phone askin me abt my choices for poly or jc.. his tone was.. friend.. it hurts to feel that he's tryin hard to let me feel that his word of concern is just to a close friend.. not anything more than that..

now that we r back together.. haven you wonder that you should put in more effort? u said u wanted to give me all those love u have never given me before.. where r they?

darlin.. actions speak louder than words.. if u can hurt me.. why cant i.. it was never my intention to hurt u baby.. why do i have to pretend that i never felt those way? for.. what's the reason of tellin u i feel sad or hurt when u said i was childish? in then end.. u will never say anything to make up for that.. ur concern.. is like the weather.. unpredictable at times.. yet still there..

love.. cannot be seen nor touch.. can only be felt.. when u hug me.. that's when i felt loved most.. but.. how mani hugs haf u given me so far? too little to be counted.. i don't ask for much... i only ask that u stand by me when i'm down.. like that time.. when my colleague was harsh to me.. and i felt that i've been treated badly.. i cried.. infront of u.. but i refuse to tell u anything.. or maybe i just told u the gist of it.. when u came down after work.. givin me little surprise... buyin my kewpie doll durin ur lunch.. that dae.. i still rememeber..
i've never forgotten that u care and love me.. n of cuz ur gift makes me stop cryin and forgettin my prob w my work..

but it's just that.. sometimes i don't like it when i haf to hint to u to say certain stuff that i wanna hear.. u nv reply any of my emails though i noe u read it.. u use to reply all my emails.. ever since i reformat my com.. i lost all the emails.. do u noe how sad i was? i kept all the emails u send.. reason being.. u dont send emails to me that often.. i kept all our letters too.. i wonder if u still haf them..

why.. why did u haf to fall in love with her... u said u wanted to be single.. haf u ever been single these years? the only time whereby u could be single and haf been single.. u fell in love w her.. why do u haf to do that? why? and let me realise that though u n her haf been together.. ur concern for me never stop.. why? havent u realise that all these while.. i'm afraid that u will show ur concern to her while we're together.. like how u did to her.. i just dun wan u to show any concern to her.. be it friend or lover.. just no.. why must u do tis to me? what have i done to deserve all that.. i wish that... when we were not together.. u never msg me.. so that i would realise that u're such a jerk... but becuz u show care n concern.. my love for u never cease.. i just got angrier at myself for not treasuring u.. for doin horrible things to u.. i'm so scared that in the end.. u will tell me that u haf no feelings for me.. that u wanna concentrate on ur studies.. that u wanna be single.. i would just die.. only then would i realise that i've been a fool to love u..

why do u haf to become part of my life? so much so that i would die without u? while.. u could still.. live happily without me.. i noe u haf no trouble findin another girl.. why must u let me feel so? why do i felt that.. i haf to gif in to u? becuz i love u? while u nv gif in to me..

do i really deserve someone better? but it's u i see in my future.. but.. my future seems bleak...

crystal dar.. almost cried when i read ur blog.. knowin we might not end up in the same class make me feel worst.. becuz u care for me.. dote on me.. i like ppl to dote on me.. i like ppl to know what i'm feelin.. becuz.. it's only then, would they comfort u and pay attention to ur needs.. well.. only u.. siGhz.. if u were a guy.. haha.. but cannot.. we same horoscope.. though we behave differently.. but we sorta tink a like.. yep.. thanks dear for tkin care of me all these while.. i will treasure our friendship.. and the memories will stay...

amelia hon.. hope u've been alright all these while.. yep.. we will meet up soon.. when we're done w our exams.. i noe u've been strong copin with ur probs.. lendin a ear to moi probs.. thanks girl.. though i cant see u.. but still i felt ur care n concern.. thanks sweetie...