sad.. now.. suddenli feel like tearing again.. i tot i was strong enough to forget wat has happen again.. yes.. i'll be strong.. i tink.. it's better that i'm alone for these remaining 17 days.. to da doom's day.. haha.. or i would seek attention from you people.. cry and cry.. (sorry.. some mistakes.. i meant that if i'm gonna talk to people abt it.. i will most prob be seekin attention.. n cry everytime i talk abt it..)

anyway.. we.. or rather me.. decide to cool off.. we will let each other noe our decision on the 26th of nov.. another 17 more days to go.. dunno how tis 17 days gonna be.. definitely hard to get by.. but it's ok.. honestly.. i believe i've made my decision.. it's something like wat i learn in econs.. haha.. how funny.. unless the both of us made the same decision.. as in.. let's say both of us wanna carry on.. den the relationship will be continued.. but if either of us decides to call it a quit.. den.. the relationship will not be carried on anymore.. so the other party has no say..

so.. why was i so calm when i told him i decided to cool off??!! arghz.. now feeling so misery.. but actually.. it shouldnt make a difference anyway.. cuz.. we hardli sms now.. so.. i shld feel that it's still the same.. but it's like.. i'm hanging there again?? honestly, i do like him but he aint the type of guy i want.. yep.. so that's my decision.. if he wants to continue.. i will change for his sake.. and make sure he change that habit of him.. to solve our problems.. it's always the same thing that we're argueing about.. i believe.. if he's willing to make an effort.. it should be alright.. how abt.. if he has feelings but decides not to try anymore? after 4 yrs of trying.. we're still TRYING.. i admit i'm childish at times.. but that's how i try to seek attention from u.. which gf doesnt want their bf to pay a little more attention to dem?

so shattered.. i'm expecting the worst.. but he's like.. wat makes u tink that i'll not give you a positive answer? if u would, den why wan to cool off? so what u're working.. so wat??!! i kept sayin that u've 'toyed' me for another 6 months.. it's so pissing u noe.. after months of crying.. i finally decide to give up.. knowing that u haf a gf.. knowing that we cant be together anymore.. den u decide to come back.. den why arent u treating me the same? who has been the one changing? i'm paranoid. but i believe it's becuz u din give me enough assurance. it doesnt work tinkin that we have been together for so long so u dun have to give me any assurance.. arghz.. just fed up.. with the game of love..

how mani more birthdays of mine u wanna ruin?? mayb it's my fault.. that i allow myself to believe in u.. to believe that tis time.. we're gonna work everything out again.. when u never like to tell me your problems.. wat u're feeling.. ignoring me when i'm angry..

unchangable fate.. trying so hard to escape that fate.. that we.. afterall.. are only frenz..