Friday, November 26, 2004
Stupid..
it's almost 11.. stil not a single msg frm him.. so.. yes.. i noe wats the ans.. if he's keen on carrying on w the relationship he wld msg me @ 26/11/2004 12am right? i waited.. and.. waited.. i told myself lots of bull shit reasons.. like.. he's tired @ work.. he has gone to bed earli.. he woke up late tis mornin.. and had to rush to work.. todae is a busy dae for him.. so he didnt haf the time to msg me..
until 8+.. which used to be his fang gong time.. i tot he wld bring some little gift to my hse.. and sae he's sorrie.. for treatin me badly.. he wld sae he wants me.. and that he love me..
nothing of that sort is going to happen.. since it's alreadi.. 11.02pm.. i believe.. he has reach home.. who knows? he might be having a great time outside.. having able to celebrate his singlehood..
while here i am.. typing all this.. tryin sho hard not to cry.. i'm gonna burn him a cd.. with our songs.. and the songs that describe how i feel.. and.. abt us..
tml.. gonna pass him.. or rather his sis.. everything that i wanna gif him.. i dun wan to keep dem w me anymore.. the puzzle.. the bottle of xiang si dou..
yes.. i'm hurt.. i'm sad.. i'm everything i dun wanna feel again.. i tot i manage to get rid of all dos hurtful stuff when u started to treat me better.. i did.. i cldnt stop being paranoid.. i reali tried..
i noe veri well whether i've made effort.. or whether U haf made any effort.. u do.. but mayb i wasn't satisfied.. or mayb i was jus defending U..
my frens.. sae i'm stupid.. to patch w u.. i always felt so.. but i try not to tink of that.. since we're back 2gether.. but now.. it hurts.. reali.. how mani times can a girl get dump by the same guy? twice? thrice? mayb u were jus usin me.. mayb.. who's gonna ans all my questions? my diary.. that was meant for u.. wats the pt of U reading how i feel? when u arent gonna do anything? why am i doing so mani things for u? to prove to ppl that it's ur loss that u din wan me or mine? or to prove that i'm actuali sweet? jus that u dun appreciate? why am i doing all these for u? so that u wil fall in luv w me again?
i dunno wat to say to myself anymore.. i felt like a failure? 47 mins to 12.. haiz.. do u reali wan me to msg u and ASK? or are u waitin for my ANS? isn't my ans v obvious alreadi?
the day you left.. my sky has turn grey.. w the never ending rain.. and the occassion sunshine.. i wonder how 2 survive in such weather..
i joked that the little verse b4 sounds funny.. yet it is so true on how i feel..
in the end.. i meant nothing 2 u.. i'm jus like any other girl..
i'm jus gonna continue waitin n waitin.. and cry my heart out.. like wat yue ting sae.. i cry becuz i've acknowledge that the truth.. yes.. i have.. i cant lie to myself.. sayin dat he's gonna come back..
looking out at 11/26/2004 10:57:00 PM