i dunno what to do.. both are as fickle.. aint comparing.. who am i to make a decision when nothing has been done? when nobodi wants me to choose? i wanna choose to end all these misery.. but would i be happy with the decision? i am as fickle too.. *laughs* talk abt contradictions..

these are jus habits.. telling me how you feel after a date.. i too wanna noe wat "grade" i've gotten.. was i a bad date or not.. was i showin my nervousness or do i appear calm n comfortable? wat you din noe was.. i wanted so badly to run away.. gif you some crap reason for unable to meet up last min.. reach there earlier den expected.. oh well, if you noe me.. i'm never the earli person.. hahaha.. let's jus sae.. my estimation aint good eh.. went to da arcade.. was tinkin.. abt the outcomes.. wat wld happen.. i was darn nervous.. for da first time.. lol.. called my babe n wanted to head home instead.. but.. i cant or can i? you ask for second chance.. uh huh.. i reali dunno wat to sae too..

u.. keep tellin me u wan2 patch but u cannot patch.. so wtf u wan? i'm not some kinda hotel.. u check in as and when u wan.. leave as and when u're please.. indeed, the feeling is still there.. after all, we took so many years to build whateva we had now.. how comfortable we are with each other.. how we react to each other.. these are all the things u cant erase with months.. of cuz, as the time pass by.. these will fade.. till they are mere memories.. i dunno wat abt u though.. u're still as fickle.. do u wan me to make a decision for u then? i tot u said u wan but u cannot.. u said my parents n friends opinion will affect u.. try living my life then.. it isn't that great either when my friends disapprove of u.. but i cant change their opinion.. it is a fact.. u done things that hurt me.. though unintentionally, the scars remain while the wounds will heal.. time n time again, i forgive.. i go back to u.. against my dignity.. i noe it wasn't easy for to ask me back too.. but somehow i jus dun feel so.. ahaha..

would i be happier w u? i should.. after all, i love u.. or maybe i don't.. but u cant gif me lotsa stuff.. u never seem to kept any promises.. so wat now? 4 yrs later and we're still.. on n off.. on n off.. i dun like it.. i never seem to find a proper explaination.. my frens always go.. "oh, so u're back again w me ah.." it's jus.. pathetic.. we're like stil stuck w each other.. honestly, would u be happier w another girl? i believe i would let u go.. if u tell me so.. i wouldn't stop u nor force u to be w me anymore.. frankly speaking, i wouldn't mind not keepin contact.. though i would tink of u every single day.. i've to move on, don't i?

at least now i noe.. my maturity is still at wat..? 15?

i noe fairy tales don't exist.. i noe u will never be my prince charming.. as much as i wanna try and work things out again.. i fear too often.. i don't wanna be the one assuring u.. i need more assurance than u.. boy, u're always the one leaving.. not me.. i jus wan to be happy.. it is so simple yet unattainable..

i am so unhappy, i rather be all alone..